Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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