There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The air was thick with penises
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
