my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
