when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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