Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
