So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My balls are so social today.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
