I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
