After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i will never coherently bang her
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
