After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
