Don't you send me to vm
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
