halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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