I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
