you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
