He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just found puke in my bra..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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