margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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