I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
