We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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