WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
