They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
