Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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