You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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