omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
