Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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