Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
