and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
