i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
