Where is the hickey?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
