I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
