Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
