Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I supernannyed him into submission
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
