I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
