Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize