Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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