Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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