I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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