you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
