He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
