i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize