my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
