I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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