Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
