there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
