do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I didn't notice because vodka
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
