Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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