New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
