Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
