I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
