fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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