A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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