Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't turn off my feet"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
