I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize