I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize