Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
