Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
