Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
