fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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