Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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