I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just threw up on my dentist
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
