Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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