It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
