The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
