i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
