She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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