those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Drake has all the answers
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
