Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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