my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
